It’s almost 3am on a Monay night, so of course I’m wide awake. Why would I be asleep? It appears that since the age of 20 I process all of my thoughts of the day between 10pm and 7am.
My thoughts tonight turned to a conversation a friend and I had on Saturday night. She said she was too fucked up to have a relationship. Hmmm…too fucked up. I’ve said this about myself as well but I never really thought about it when I was saying it. Too fucked up……listen to that.
We are comprised of pieces…pieces of the past, pieces of the present, pieces of this and pieces of that. Nobody is a completely whole person that has never been cracked or never let someone or something change their shape at some point, alter them, or break them. We have cracks and we’ve been glued back together and we’ve grown and expanded over time. Every single one of us has a story…something that has molded us into who we are. We may not feel good about what has happened and may hold on to our stories, but I do know one thing…nothing is wrong with us. We are not ‘fucked up’. We are human. We are healing. We are trying. These pieces are what bond us together, connect us, allow us to understand one another and feel a part of something bigger. We wouldn’t be connecting without these pieces…we would all just stand around as whole, boring, perfect people with nothing to talk about.
Thinking you are ‘fucked up’ doesn’t mean you are less than anyone. It’s a horrible thing to say. I don’t think I want to know you if you’re perfect…in fact, I know I don’t want to. I love my messy personality and my fun moments I will share my stories if they will help us connect. I want to hear your stories and not judge them. I want to find that one little thing that makes us click. I always look forward to seeing what it is. So friend, if you are ‘fucked up’ as you like to say…that’s why I love you.