"I’m broken, I’ve got baggage."
"This is just who I am."
"Stay away from me baby, I’m no good." (That one’s for you Ro, even though you won’t see this)
"Don’t blame them, they don’t know any better they’ve been through a hard time."
You know what, they write songs about this shit …. "You’re no good, you’re no good, you’re no good, baby you’re no good." You hit the nail on the head Ms. Linda Rondstat. You’re damn right, none of this is good.
I know what hurt is. I’ve been alive for 30 years – thirty young but seems like ages years of life experience. Ups and downs. Happy, sad, gut-wrenching, devestating, heart-breaking, confusing, over-the-moon, rollercoaster, hair-ripping, smile-inducing, awe producing, can’t for the life of me make sense of what has just happened, sometimes can’t even fathom the beauty and luck around me years. I don’t know what marriage or divorce feels like, I don’t have children … I haven’t lost a parent, been physically injured beyond repair or witnessed anything that left me speachless. I’m not saying I’m better than you, that I know everything, that I cope well (hell I know I don’t), that my experiences amount to yours or that you shouldn’t feel hurt or express your feelings. I’m asking you, begging you to please, give it a rest. Take your packsack full of labels and excuses and burdens, and put it down. Dump the contents out on the floor, shake out your shoulders and pay attention for a minute.
What hurts you doesn’t define you. Being hurt, feeling guilty for having hurt someone else, suffering a loss and believing your are incapable of recovery….none of this gives you excuse to lack respect and compassion in your dealings with other human beings. That’s right, human beings. We are all human. We are all walking the earth in these bodies with hearts and minds and two feet that stumble and trip on winding roads, cracked sidewalks, valleys and hills. We all make mistakes and fuck up and beg forgiveness. Sometimes we are forgiven, and sometimes we are not but take responsibility, don’t feed on and regurgitate excuses. We all have rights…hurting other people and using an excuse for why isn’t one that sits well with me. Especially when it’s lame.
If you believe you are broken – you are. If you dare to dip your toes into the pool of real life, be careful. Some of us out here already did the work – for the most part repaired what was broken, took on responsibility and ownership for ourselves and our lives. We are careful and cautious and don’t want your mess or your excuses. We are doing a dance to avoid the pain the best we can. We remember how much it hurt and don’t need an ingenuine reminder. We do not want to pick up your bag and it’s "I’m Broken" bumper sticker. We want: honesty, integrity, vulnerability, accountability, love, trust and forgiveness. We want open-minded, compassionate, willing to live life fully and risk being hurt again all for the honor of knowing you better and sharing our experiences together relationships. We cannot trust you if you can’t own who you are, what you’ve done or what you’re doing now….if you are laying a crumb path of blame.
We can begin to take responsibility for what we have done, what we are doing now, and what we will do in the future any time we choose. If you can stifle the excuses and show some respect … welcome to adult relationships …. the water’s warm. If you can’t remember who you really are, can’t forgive your mistakes or put down what you don’t understand, save your excuses and go back to the drawing board. Keep your socks on until you’re ready. We cannot shoulder your burdens, we have our own scars; scars we own and wear as badges because we took the time to do the work and now accept our mistakes, our part in it, and forgive ourselves. Your excuses are insulting. Pick up your now empty packsack and get the hell out of here.