I chose to base this blog on a quote I heard. Now for my question:
When is is appropriate to express our feelings, and when is it better to keep them burried?
There are risks involved in telling the truth about how you feel. We can tell someone we love them, and they may not love us back. We can tell someone how they hurt us, and they can choose to walk away instead of fix it. We can express our most honest opinions and people may look at us differently….see a different person than they saw before…someone they don’t quite think they like. I often stay quiet and hold it inside. This isn’t good. Each time we say quiet, people know us a little less.
How often have you heard someone say ‘Well they should have known thats how I felt!" or "Obviously thats what I was trying to say". There is no room for assumptions. People aren’t mind readers and we can’t expect them to be. People do not know what we are thinking, and we torture ourselves wishing they did. The only time they do, is when we use our voice to speak it clearly. This is common sense.
What I try to remind myself of when I am trying to be brave is, ‘so what’. Whether you speak it, feel it, or think it, the feeling is looming. It comes out in our energies. Would you rather the feeling come out in your body language and passive aggressive behaviours or would you rather just say it and get it over with? Maybe thats when you decide if it’s worth it…pick your battles. Accept the risk. You can either wait until they ask the question so you know they are interested, or you can voice it on your own.
There is always a distinct possibility that people will respect you more for just voicing it. Who’s to say it always has to be a negative outcome? Perhaps with the right tone, words, and approach, your feeling may be received with kindness and compassion. But if not, at least it’s honest, and people will know the real you. What makes you tick, what you like and don’t like, what you accept and don’t accept, and what hurts you. This is the only way people know how to relate to you. And if your feeling don’t matter to someone, that is okay too, its thier prerogitive. But it will reflect where you stand on thier ladder and then you can make a choice of where they stand on yours.
Feel everything, don’t resist it. Feel it so much that you end up coming out the other side stronger for having felt, acknowledged and named it. Next time the feeling shows up you will be aware of it. When you repress feelings, you don’t really know yourself … they get so burried that you can’t even identify the knot. You have to know yourself, and people deserve to know you. My sister says "You can’t change how you feel you can only adjust how you think". This is true, and it’s very hard to change how we think. It is a long, long process. I say we start by thinking it’s okay to hope that what you feel matters to someone else, that they will welcome your honesty. And when I type that, I feel better already :)