Conversation with my chiropractor. Kelly… "I’m going to put it out there that tomorrow is going to be a relaxing day." Rod: "You’ve already decided what the outcome is going to be and once you do that, you are sure to be dissapointed. Things rarely work out the way our mind decides they will." Thoughts…I agree with this statement, however it’s a fine line.
I am trying to live Buddhist, and I find this concept interesting and very dangerous. You have to be very, very careful with this one (and this is only my belief because I’m also a hyperanalyst – conflict noted). I think the biggest hurdle to this statement is the subject you are applying it to. There are extreme benefits to waking up each day with no expectations or attachments to what it will bring…in taking each step and receiving each message with an open mind…of seeing the beauty in most things. This is a peaceful way of life. This is living in the ‘now’. This is Buddhist. But let me ask you this …. if you are always living in the ‘now’ … what pushes you to reach your potential? Is living in the ‘now’ being short-sighted? If you arent looking into the future with set goals and hopes and desires, is living in the ‘now’ really just teaching yourself to settle for and be peaceful with ‘what is’? Is living in the ‘now’ a way to put up a wall to avoid being dissapointed if your dreams don’t come true? Maybe, maybe not but…it feels really, really good.
In human relationships, is the ability to not have expecations plausable? It might be if you have trained your mind well enough to enjoy every moment as it comes..if you have the ability to stay detached from outcomes. This can be quite wonderful, but it becomes difficult to do when something happens that goes against your beliefs and values; if integrity is compromised. For instance, someone makes a plan with you that you look forward to, and then breaks it. Once, okay things happen … regularly, uh-oh. But remember they set the expectation in motion with their words, you didn’t plant the seed. When this happens it is important to trust your gut to give you the answers you need. It ends up being not so much about the broken promise as about your belief of the character, credibility and integrity of the person in question. If you are feeling hurt, question why. Be aware. Is it something inside of yourself that has to be addressed, an inflated belief, the relationship itself, or did you have a specific expecation beyond the plan? Sometimes people do or say things that change how we see them — there is no going back at this point — it’s broken. But if we have set ideas of how people should treat us and how they should act be it family, friends, lovers, co-workers, etc….you are damn right we are going to be disappointed. People CANNOT predict how we want them to behave, they cannot walk on eggshells trying to satisfy us and our expectations and fit our mold. We can’t change how we are treated, we can only change how we react and how we move forward (thank you Max). In relationships, it’s not always personal. Guard yourself against having too many expectations – of being particularly attached to a specific outcome. Watch the promises you make, own what you do and say to the people you care about – how you treat them is crucial; its karmic. Be true to yourself. Be open, be forgiving, and be honest. Speak your truth and accept the consequences. Stay out of the future, and in the moment. If you don’t have expecations, you won’t be dissapointed. Good luck.
In life, be clear on what is an expectation and what is a desire. We all have hopes… we all have a vision of what we want the future to bring us. A partner, a family, children, love, a new job, travel, etc. Desiring these things is okay, it’s good to know what you want. But are you going to be alright if life doesn’t hand you these outcomes? You bet.
Expectations set limits. Expectations are met, or they aren’t. They have expected emotions: joy or dissapointment. Dissapointment is confusing and often painful … can strike like a sucker punch, knock you on your ass and break your heart … coming and going in tidal waves and tides. If you meet your expectation and find that temporary Joy, now what? You have to find something else to look forward to, another goal to set in order to feel alive inside … to keep you moving. It’s a sick cycle. I want no part of it. My heart is what keeps me energized…my belief that I don’t have to expect anything, that I don’t have to walk a beaten path in order to reach my desired outcome, to follow any rules of right or wrong, any ‘shoulds’ or ‘shouldnt’s’. I just let it all unfold as it is meant to; trust that it’s all going to fall into place at the right time. For now I am exactly where I am meant to be. For now, I just have to ‘be’ here.