Today I chose to write about something that happens more often than we like to admit.
It is mind boggling to me that as humans, we have this innate sense that can pick out a lie a mile away when it comes from someone you have no connection to, and yet in another breath we can be so willing to ignore our gut when it comes from someone we love. It is like we are under a spell. Somehow we know that they are only telling us what we want to hear, but we find it hard to believe it is a lie because, why would they lie? Why would they tell us only what we want to hear? Why not just keep quiet and not say anything at all, or better yet, just be honest? How could someone that knows you love them treat you this way? It seems evil so it musn’t be true. You wouldn’t love someone that would have that in them, you are smarter than that, aren’t you? These are the questions.
You know you are being manipulated, but you can’t help yourself. And that is when the shame kicks in and the walls come up. You start to feel bad about yourself for CHOOSING to believe the lies, and for ignoring your own common sense and gut instincts. You are angry at yourself for settling for something less than what you want and deserve and for not having the strength to walk away… for accepting something in your life that you have to hide from others because you can’t bear to have them see in you what you see…the weakness of not being willing to accept the truth and push your feelings aside and stand up for yourself. Or maybe you are upset because you just want to be able to say "I love you but I am choosing to walk away from this because it is unhealthy". This is not easy to do, but it is necessary. You know it is necessary.
I guess I’m just saying I get it. We are not blind, but we need to take our time. You cannot rush these things, the steps are necessary. You have to be ready to walk away in order to close the door. It is very hurtful when you are lied to and manipulated by those you love. It is very difficult to make sense of it, and we try. But maybe we have to get less emotional, stop the resistance, and just be honest. Maybe see that the real person that deserves honesty and our love, is ourselves and we have to give it freely and gently. Forgive ourselves, close the door, and open our hearts to the gifts that come next.