Stepping Stones

Today I chose to write about something that happens more often than we like to admit.

It is mind boggling to me that as humans, we have this innate sense that can pick out a lie a mile away when it comes from someone you have no connection to, and yet in another breath we can be so willing to ignore our gut when it comes from someone we love. It is like we are under a spell. Somehow we know that they are only telling us what we want to hear, but we find it hard to believe it is a lie because, why would they lie? Why would they tell us only what we want to hear? Why not just keep quiet and not say anything at all, or better yet, just be honest? How could someone that knows you love them treat you this way? It seems evil so it musn’t be true. You wouldn’t love someone that would have that in them, you are smarter than that, aren’t you? These are the questions.

You know you are being manipulated, but you can’t help yourself. And that is when the shame kicks in and the walls come up. You start to feel bad about yourself for CHOOSING to believe the lies, and for ignoring your own common sense and gut instincts. You are angry at yourself for settling for something less than what you want and deserve and for not having the strength to walk away… for accepting something in your life that you have to hide from others because you can’t bear to have them see in you what you see…the weakness of not being willing to accept the truth and push your feelings aside and stand up for yourself. Or maybe you are upset because you just want to be able to say "I love you but I am choosing to walk away from this because it is unhealthy". This is not easy to do, but it is necessary. You know it is necessary.

I guess I’m just saying I get it. We are not blind, but we need to take our time. You cannot rush these things, the steps are necessary. You have to be ready to walk away in order to close the door. It is very hurtful when you are lied to and manipulated by those you love. It is very difficult to make sense of it, and we try. But maybe we have to get less emotional, stop the resistance, and just be honest. Maybe see that the real person that deserves honesty and our love, is ourselves and we have to give it freely and gently. Forgive ourselves, close the door, and open our hearts to the gifts that come next.


One thought on “Stepping Stones

  1. kelly it\’s max. .i\’m not sure if you wrote this or just found it somewhere and you can relate to it…i was just checking my e mail and i seen the first sentence of this blog and thought i would check it out… true it is..i think i have found my self in this exact same situation not just once but time and time again…not only in relationships with men but with friends as well. this last summer i went through one of the hardest times of my life and i decided that i needed time for i went away to a retreat for 2 weeks…no phones…no books …no tv..just 10 other women..and yourself to really get to know and figure out things…i must say this experience was one of the hardest but best 2 weeks of my life..i realized that awareness and action will make the changes needed in your life to make yourself happy..BUT……this is only possible when you are truly ready to accept those changes and outcomes…and thats ok it if takes a month or a year..blaming yourself only keeps you stuck and your feelings can never be wrong FOR YOU!!! I don\’t want to sound as if i am an expert on this or as if i am preaching..but i do know that the only time things will change is when you acknowledge your feelings and claim them as your own because we cannot change other people, what they say to us, how they hurt us, or the lies they tell us..what we can change is how we react to it. I remember a journal; that you gave me kelly a long time ago with a whole bunch of inspirational poetry and words or wisdom, i kept that book and in fact that was the journal i brought along with me to the retreat to write my daily journals in..You are a strong and smart women, you always have been you know the difference between right and wrong and i remember numerous times when you have been their for me and given me some honest words of advice and i thank you for that..remember trust your instincts, trust your intuition beacuse in your mind you can and will justify anything…get back to your heart!!! that will never steer your wrong!!! max

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